Contest #872

My Entry

"I hear there's a lovely meteor shower predicted this evening."

Meteor shower, get it? Because a huge meteor destroyed the dinosaurs. So this is really funny. I won't be taking any further questions at this time.

Contest #871

My Entry

"Oooh, look how the eyes of newt turn red from the flash!"

Not a big fan of this one either. Let's blame it on the cartoon.

Contest #870

My Entry

"But what if the baby favors more of a social democratic economic system?"

Well, it's eleven(!!) years later, and I decided to pick this back up. Unfortunately the contest I start with is a pretty crappy cartoon.

I couldn't think what to do with it, so I looked up "alternatives to capitalism" and just went with it.

The Winning Entry

Jerrold E. Fink, Highland Park, Ill.

"Of course, we'll place it higher if it's a girl."

Meh.

Contest #342

Link: New Yorker Caption Contest #342, July 23, 2012

You can't call yourself a Seinfeld fan if you don't recognize this one.

In this week's cartoon caption contest, we're giving you the chance to re-caption the drawing that Elaine submitted to The New Yorker on an episode of "Seinfeld".

Elaine’s caption: "I wish I were taller."

Of course, that means "I can't find my receipt, my place is a sty" and "my wife is a slut" are also out of the running.

Contest #341

Link: New Yorker Caption Contest #341, July 9, 2012

My Entry

"The semiaquatic lifestyle just doesn't do it for me."

This seems like a nice, bland, winning entry, doesn't it?

Contest #339

Link: New Yorker Caption Contest #339, June 25, 2012

My Entry

"Breathe a word of this to Batman and you're dead."

I have a feeling mine will be the 400th-or-so variation on this theme. Yes, I had to look up whether it's "Batman" or "Bat Man."

Now I'm starting to wish I'd used, "If this gets back to Batman, you're dead." Coincidentally, Meg just submitted that entry a couple minutes ago.

Contest #338

Link: New Yorker Caption Contest #338, June 11, 2012

My Entry

"I expected bigger things from you, Dan."

Poor Dan.

The Winning Entry

Joy Hanek, Vacaville, CA

"I'm surprised you can ghostwrite for him. I've only
heard him say, 'Fee fi fo fum.'"

Ugh.

Contest #337

Link: New Yorker Caption Contest #337, June 4, 2012

My Entry

"Our revenue is up, but we're no closer
to being rescued."

Clearly I was never inspired by this one.

The Winning Entry

Michael Skocpol, Washington, DC

"Yes, I asked very politely. But he still says the rest room in there is for employees only."

Contest #336

Link: New Yorker Caption Contest #336, May 28, 2012

My Entry

"...Actually, Allison, could I have you bring up the file
labeled 'Shareholder Presentation'?"

Five cartoons in and I finally get a laugh out of Meg.

The Winning Entry

Bob Low, Lakewood Ranch, FL

"As an icebreaker, let's all share one interesting thing about ourselves. I'll start."

Contest #334

Link: New Yorker Caption Contest #334, May 14, 2012

My Entry

"I just can't seem to get comfortable
in these darn airline seats."

See, he's voicing that common complaint of airline travel—uncomfortable seats—as if his discomfort has nothing to do with the luggage he's wearing! See? Don't you see how funny that is? What is wrong with you people?

The Winning Entry

Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, MD

"Help me get under the seat for takeoff."

Contest #327

Link: New Yorker Caption Contest #327, March 26, 2012

My Entry

"Hey, I think I figured out what happened
to the previous owners."

The Winning Entry

Michael Albertson, Sunnyside, NY

"Marco!"

OK, granted, mine's lame, but honestly I can't figure out the winner here.

Contest #326

Link: New Yorker Caption Contest #326, March 19, 2012

My Entry

"...but when I try to get close, it's always 'You're
smothering me! You're smothering me!'"

The Winning Entry

Stan Kantrowitz, Los Angeles, CA

"I keep forming inappropriate attachments."

I thought I did pretty good here. My clinical psychologist wife admires the use of "inappropriate attachments" in the winner.

Contest #325

Link: New Yorker Caption Contest #325, March 12, 2012

My Entry

"There's something funny going on
around here, Dennis."

My first attempt receives a blank look from Meg. I can't help it, I really like this one.

The Winning Entry

Terence Krista, Richmond, CA

"Looks like a culture of denial."